Excuse me, Mr. Trump?

Um, excuse me, Mr. Trump?  You got a minute?

The thing is, I got another email from you today, about the immigration thing, and I’m puzzled.  I think we got our signals crossed, somehow.

The big message today was that you wanted to share the current results of your big survey you commissioned to help us tell the Senate how we felt about all the immigration hoo-rah that’s going on right now, and how you were still waiting to hear from me, and would I be sure and respond by midnight tonight (same thing you said last week, by the way).

The thing is, I already responded to that survey, a few days ago.

You said that 85% of the respondents, so far, think the Wall is important.  That wasn’t me, I think it’s a stupid idea.

You said that 91% of the respondents to that survey think it is important that we eliminate tax credits for illegal immigrants.  I guess I’m in the minority again on that one, but I did take a few seconds to look that up, and everybody says there is no such thing as tax credits for illegal immigrants, which makes me wonder if those 91% of respondents are dumb as a box of rocks, or do they even exist?  Was that, like, a trick question or something?

Then you said that 87% of those same respondents think it’s important that we end chain migration, and I’m, like, wait a minute!  Isn’t chain migration another way to say someone moves here, decides it’s a pretty cool place, then they tell their families to come on over?  Isn’t that the way your grandmother got here?  Mine was already here then, by the way, but that’s ok with me.  I wouldn’t want to lord it over you just because we were here first, just like I think anyone from anywhere who wants to become an American ought to be as welcome as your family was at the time.

But the real question is why are you sending me this latest email, where you say you still need to hear from me, when I already took it?

I must admit, though, that at the end of the survey last time, when I clicked the “submit” button, and it sent me to a donation page that asked me for at least $35, up to $2700 or more, and I clicked on the little x up in the corner instead because I wasn’t giving you one red cent nohow, I kinda had the feeling that my survey results were not going to be received without the donation.

That makes me suspect that your survey is fake, that it’s really all about those donations.  I suspect you want me to pay you money to listen to my opinions, and you’re not going to bother if I don’t.

You said at the end of your email: And I want to be able to give an exact number of how many people back each proposal. This is the Art of the Deal!

So please, take my Responsible Immigration Survey by MIDNIGHT TONIGHT.

I’ll make you a deal, ok?  I’m not gonna give you a nickel, but I will wait to hear from you just exactly how many of us responded to this survey of yours, and where you got your numbers.  I’m beginning to suspect you’re gonna pull them out of your ass, just like you did your immigration policies and the rest of your stupid, racist, misogynist ideas.  Worst.  President.  Ever.  Sad!  :-{)}