Sunday, November 18, 2018

That Sinking Feeling



Our kitchen sink faucet gave up the ghost the other day.  It started with a tiny drip, and grew from there into an annoying drip, the kind that shows up unannounced and hits the stainless steel sink with an audible thud that my wife can hear from the next county, or in her sleep.  It’s almost as bad as when I forget to turn off the air compressor in the attached garage, and it comes on with a basso profundo bray around 3 AM, and I get the elbow in response.
So I went down to McLendon’s, first, as usual, and bought two complete new cartridges, since I wasn’t quite sure which one was the leaker, brought them home and installed them.  That’s when I realized that I could have just bought a seal kit for one third the price. Ah, well.  The leak did not stop.  Consternation ensued.
The decision was made to toss the old one and buy a brand new faucet, the kind with the graceful swiveling neck like a swan with a funnel for a beak and a handle on each side, and a spray nozzle in its own socket over on the right.  There was nothing wrong with our spray nozzle, other than a minor tendency for the thumb lever to detach itself without warning, but a new one was part of the kit, so there you go.
I assured my wife that, despite my retired status, my assembly skills were still sharp as a tack, then shooed her off to work while I contemplated the Rosetta Stone instructions, which taught me everything I needed to know in three languages.
The hardest part was getting down under the sink and working overhead on my back in a tight space.  This would have been much more difficult, if not impossible, if I had not been attending yoga classes at Michelle Peterson’s Aspiration Community Yoga for the last few years.  The second hardest part was pulling all the stuff out from under there.  I got my son-in-law to hold everything steady while I tightened the nuts on the stems underneath and attached the hoses where they went.  Piece of cake, really.
Then, when I got up to test run the new faucet, I noticed a strange thing.  The two handles were reversed.  When I would reach for the cold tap, for example, it opened with a counter-clockwise push, rather than the pull I expected.  The same thing happened on the hot side!  Very interesting.  Must be a new design feature, I decided.  All the package said was that the spout swiveled 360 degrees, but not a word about opening the valves.
Anyway, I checked for leaks underneath and declared it good.  I decided I rather liked the new configuration, and hoped she would as well.  I announced the completion in a text and got on the next project, out in the shop.
My hopes were impetuous, as it turned out, along with my logic.  The first words out of her mouth were, “Why did you put it in backwards?  Look, the handles have a C and an H on them, and the C is on the left!”
“In the first place,” I replied, thinking fast, “You have to think outside the box here.  See this instruction book?”  I held it up.  “It is in three languages, one of which is French.  That C could also be for Chaud, which means Hot in French, does it not?  And the H could also mean Hrim, with is an Old Norse word in the Norman dialect for “Cold as the Icy Heart of a Landlord at the end of the month, could it not?”  She elevated an eyebrow.  “And furthermore”, I continued, “those letters are on little caps that can easily be transferred to the opposite sides if you insist.  But why not try it for a while?  I like the fact that while I’m rinsing dishes they don’t have a tendency to knock into the valve handle and turn the water cold this way.  But I’m willing to agree, for the sake of harmony, that, on the face of it, a good case could be made that I did indeed install the faucet backwards.  I assure you that that was not fully in my mind at the time, and I would be happy to put it back the other way, but first, why don’t you try it for a few days and see what you think?”  She grudgingly assented.  “Yes, Dear” and “Ok, Fine” work both ways.  Besides, I do all the dishes.
So I think I may have skated on this one.  My only concern is that she might decide that all the other sinks in the house should be reversed, for consistency, but I’ll deal with that if and when it happens.  It looks like the sprayer is powerful enough that I can mostly hit the dogs’ water dish on the floor next to the fridge without having to pick up the full dish out of the sink and place it on the floor and not spill too much, so that’s a bonus.  Kitchen innovation is a never-ending opportunity, I tell you.  :-{)}

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